Monday, May 22, 2006

Well-Fed

So all of a sudden Ryan Church is in AA. No, I didn't forget an "A," he's actually a level below Brendan Harris and Brandon Watson. There are excuses for that, but I'm not going to bother to mention them. The end result is that Frank Robinson -- and bear in mind that there are still people who think he's a great manager, and that their analysis almost always includes the phrase "586 home runs" -- has at times gone to war with an outfield of Alfonso Soriano, Alex Escobar, and Daryle Ward. Two thirds of that outfield have been the subject of special "This Dude Can't Field" pieces by Barry Svrluga, and the other one can't even hack it as a first baseman. As I've said before, there's a fine line between bad managing and sabotage, and Frank crossed that river and kept running.

Church certainly has struggled, and I (big surprise coming) blame Frank. Remember Tomo Ohka, how he walked everyone? Remember when he got to Milwaukee and suddenly stopped walking everyone? And remember how Frank would yank him out of games after -- or while -- he walked someone? I think we're seeing the same thing with Church. Maybe it means Church is soft, or maybe it means Frank's bad at his job. Probably both.

In other depressing, I-can't-believe-I'm-a-fan-of-this-joke-of-a-team news, the Nats can't spend a (relatively) little bit of cash to do something about the bullpen.
If the Nationals were to release a player currently on the major league roster, they would be responsible for paying the player until or unless another franchise signed him. So though Bowden believes there are several players in the minors who are, as he put it, "knocking on the door," he can't simply release veterans because it would essentially be adding to the payroll.
I think this is just a ploy to get me to care about the new owners. So far my interest has been limited to watching various hack sportswriters bonk their heads together trying to cram those heads up Lerner and/or Kasten ass. George Solomon is winning, in case you were wondering.
Theodore N. Lerner radiates the dignity one expects of an 80-year-old billionaire who has lived and worked here his whole life . . .
You've noticed that, haven't you? People who have lived in DC their whole lives have a certain nobility of bearing. And anyone who has a billion dollars got it from God for being a good person.

But I'm just being negative. Unlike my main man Thomas Boswell, who accentuates the positive to the point of lunacy. Some horse we would have all forgotten about in a year anyway broke its leg the other day, and the fact that 1,000 pounds of walking Alpo's hospital stay is front page news is the only thing preventing Boswell from being the dumbest thing in the Post today.

We won our heated, hateful series against Balitmore, and I blame the 15,000 empty seats per game on worries about the brawls that are de rigeur whenever Baltimorean goes against Washingtonian Virginian. The Nats hadn't won a series before that since beating Pittsburgh back at the beginning of the month, but Boz doesn't care.
These days, the Nats are just beginning to imagine a decent season despite a horrid start. Livan Hernandez had his second back-to-form start in a row Sunday with seven innings. John Patterson is due back in a couple of weeks. Maybe things won't be so bad after all.
Yeah, it's not bad at all! Alex Escobar Damian Jackson could be the solution in center field, and that's assuming we needed one -- my theory is that all those dropped balls in the outfield have been lulling our enemies into a false sense of security. Joey Eischen is bound to turn it around and become the gritty, foul-mouthed stopper we need. And as for the starting rotation, there are five pitchers there -- just like the Yankees!

William Blake ran out of Proverbs of Hell that apply to Boz, so I made one up. I think it sounds pretty authentic.
The well-fed ass is ever full of dung.

7 comments:

El Gran Color Naranja said...

At least Ryan has reached "yanked around" stuats. You see Brendan's stats?

.345 / .444 / .527


Put on a happy face, Brendan.

I said PUT...ON...A HAPPY...FACE!

Eddie Cunnignham said...

For the record, I was at the game against the Blo's on Friday. I understand why you list this feud as "Baltimorean vs. Virginian", but not everybody from the Free State is rooting for the Birds.

Eddie Cunningham
Lifelong resident of Silver Spring, MD

Nate said...

Sweet, the Nats appear to have cornered the market on Marylanders who misspell their own names.

Eddie Cunningham said...

Mea culpa. Some time ago, I was in a hurry and mispelled my name when I typed it too quickly. Now my browser cache will automatically fill in "eddie cunnignham" unless I actively correct it. Cut me a little bit of slack, will you? I refuse to believe that my baseball soul belongs to Peter Angelos because I don't live in the District or Virginia. All that matters to you is that I made a mistake entering my name in this blog?

Remeber the 11th Commandment---thou shalt not slam a fellow Nat fan. We need to stick together!

Ryan said...

A fellow Marylander! Start a blog - we're seriously outnumbered. But who won the war, huh?

Eddie Cunningham said...

We are outnumbered, but I vehemently dispute that we are SERIOUSLY outnumbered. There are more Nats fans in the Free State than the Pig wants to believe I'm tempted to start a Nats blog, but it looks like all the good names have been already taken. I'll think of something, though...

P.S. Know what happened to Ball Wonk? He hasn't been around the past couple of days, and I hope it wasn't because of an e-mail I forwarded him. I sent Bram Weinstein an e-mail calling him a "f___ing traitor" for having a soft spot in his heart for the O's. I forwarded the e-mail to Ball Wonk but if he only looked at the title of the e-mail he could have mistakenly thought I was calling HIM a traitor. I apologized to everbody afterwards---classic example of fandom going WAY too far...

Eric said...

Boswell's latest column makes one wonder: "Is Tom Boswell that bad a writer?" The answer, unequivocally, is yes. Geez, let one of these sportswriters blog without an editor for a while, and watch what happens. How many "loses" will the Nats end up with?? "Loses?" Over and over again.

I hate to be picky (ok, so I don't hate it), but Bos goes on to refer to other franchises like the "Gaints."

There are more errors, typographical and grammatical, in the rest of the column, but I leave it to you all to pile on. And that doesn't even begin to address the content (something you've done a fine job on in previous posts).

At what point will the Post decide that its Nats coverage deserves better?