Distinguished Senators, the Washington Nationals Blog That Is Great

Friday, May 29, 2015

Replaycement Postscript

In this morning's post, I argued against a position that I wasn't sure anyone had actually taken. We need to replace Jayson Werth, I said, because:
  1. The Nats are going for it this year
  2. Werth was terrible before he got injured
  3. Werth will likely be terrible when he's not injured anymore
  4. The Nats' in-house options are not good enough
Now Mark Zuckerman at teh Insider has taken the opposite position.
And they’ve established they can win without him already this season. Since Werth last played May 15, the Nationals have gone 9-2. 
So the notion that general manager Mike Rizzo needs to go out and acquire another left fielder to take Werth’s place is a bit misguided.
What could be more definitive than a sample of eleven games? Eleven games, by the way, in which the Nats did not score very many runs and were carried by Bryce Harper.
For one thing, Werth isn’t out for the season. He will be coming back, and Rizzo isn’t the type who usually gets pressured into picking up a player to fill in for only 2 1/2 months.
If this team really cares about winning, he'll be coming back as a pinch hitter.
Werth also remains under contract for two more seasons after 2015, owed $21 million in 2016 and again in 2017. He’s not going anywhere.
If this team really cares about winning, they won't let sunk costs stop them from getting the team into championship shape.

Zuckerman then goes on to describe the Taylor/Moore/Robinson crap chimera that's getting Werth's playing time. He acknowledges that they're not any good before showing us the bright side.
Take Werth’s stats out of the mix, and the Nationals’ remaining left fielders have been just as productive, even more so in some cases: a .215 batting average, .271 on-base percentage, .329 slugging percentage and .600 OPS. Still below-average, but the guy they had for most of the season’s first six weeks was producing at below-average levels to begin with.
So on the one hand, Werth is going to come back so we can't fill his spot. On the other hand, Werth was playing so badly that we don't lose by playing scrubs in his place. If the second part is true (it is), then the first one doesn't make any sense.

There are a lot of silly assumptions here, like that since the Nats have been winning so far while getting nothing from left field, they're bound to continue winning if left remains a black hole. Or that the rest of the lineup is such a murderers' row that we can punt on LF anyway.

When it comes to the people actually making the decisions, I'm worried that bit about "$21 million in 2016 and again in 2017" is going to loom larger than it does in either my or Zuckerman's analysis.


Jayson Werth has a broken wrist, and I just realized that Blogger puts a red underline under "Werth" when I type it but not under "Jayson." It just did it again! Weird.

It took a couple weeks for anyone to think to get Werth's wrist looked at, apparently. At the time, the man himself said, “I’m relieved . . . It’s still swollen. It was bad. About as bad as it could be without being broke.” And that's why you shouldn't necessarily trust medical diagnoses from dudes with bad grammar who just got out of jail.

This is the same medical staff that told us Anthony Rendon would only be out for a week or whatever. That was in March.

Anyway, it's time to consider our Werthless present and contemplate our Werthless future. Let's not forget that Werth was completely useless in his short time spent on the field this year. He couldn't hit or field, and the Nats should have been looking for alternatives even before the fateful wrist-plunk. We know he can't help us now; we have to consider that he might not be able to help in the future. A 36-year-old outfielder with a thrice-busted wrist isn't something you bet on.

The Nationals have a couple options here: they can stay the course, or they can look elsewhere. Consider, though, that the first option is just terrible. We're looking at Michael Taylor as an everyday outfielder. I know we all love Taylor - he got some big hits back when the Nats couldn't do anything right, and he looks like a little kid.

But he's not hitting. Remember when he stepped in for Bryce Harper and hit that grand slam against Arizona? That was May 13, and he hasn't done a damn thing since. That's closer to being literally true than you might think - he hasn't had an RBI or an extra-base hit since that homer. Two singles, one walk, and 12 strikeouts.

MLB Trade Rumors runs down our other options:
The Nationals have some other alternatives in house, including Tyler Moore, Clint Robinson and the rehabbing Nate McLouth.
Did you shudder? I shuddered.

Clearly, this isn't acceptable for a team that's trying to win a World Series before everyone hits free agency. The iron is hot, the sun is in the correct position for hay-making, and the rosebuds are gatherable.

I'm worried the Nats are going to half-ass this, expecting that Werth is going to come back and be good enough to justify starting. I don't think that's likely, and I want to see them do something big and find a long-term solution.

Either way, they need to do something soon. The Nats are not generating a lot of offense at the moment, and it'll catch up to them at some point. Time to start kicking the tires on a gently-used Brewer or something.

Thursday, May 28, 2015

Do They Like Him? Do They Like-Like Him?

More All Star voting news! Mark Zuckerman at teh Insider reports that our very own Bryce Harper has more votes than anyone else.
Harper has received 1,116,582 votes to date, edging out Cardinals third baseman [and Doug's Dude] Matt Carpenter (1,113,060) as the league’s top vote-getter and well ahead of all other NL outfielders.
That's good news. I'm not sure I completely agree with Zuckerman's conclusion, though.
No other Nationals position players rank in the top five right now, which is testament to Harper’s immense appeal around the country, not only in D.C.
Harper's getting all the votes; the other Nats are polling like Fat Elvis; that must mean America Loves Bryce!

I have my reservations about the "immense appeal" theory, assuming that Zuckerman is referring to something more than the respect a player earns from out of towners by being great - something closer to affection. I'd suggest that Harper leads all NL players in All Star voting merely because he's leading all NL players in being good at baseball. No appeal required.

And as far as his teammates not making anyone's ballot - really, what other Nat would you vote for unless you had a rooting interest that superseded any concern for the process? They won't let us vote for Scherzer. I guess Wilson Ramos has case, but it's a "he should be in the top five" case rather than "he should be winning." Other than that, our best candidate is Danny Espinosa, and he's not even on the ballot.

Nobody's voting for Ian Desmond, right?

Wednesday, May 27, 2015


We're starting to get early results from the All Star voting, which reminded me that I'm boycotting it this year and probably forever.

They announced before the season that there wouldn't be any more paper ballots. This news, along with a neat reminder of why the internet is terrible, can be found in a piece by Ted Berg on "For the W!N," USA Today's attempt to show how hip and snarky it can be.
Bad news for people who aren’t reading this: Major League Baseball will eliminate its paper All-Star ballots in 2015...
Only people who don't know how to internet because reasons use paper ballots. For teh Epic W!N LOL!
This is terrible news for people who love paper chads but great news for inevitable Justin Bieber write-in campaigns.
OMG Justin Bieber amirite! Such chad very ballot wow. Something something bacon.
And moving to an online-only ballot might help the league keep it a bit more current, rather than frustrate fans with a list half-full of guys who are hurt or haven’t played regularly.
Look at the ballot, you meme-spewing halfwit. Jonathan Schoop has played nine games this year, and he's on there. Scooter Gennett is back in the minors, but you can still vote for him. Anthony Rendon is on the ballot.

So anyway, I'm sitting this election out. I love paper ballots. We all enjoy baseball, but let's not act like there's not a lot of downtime. Poking out a little piece of paper next to "A. Rendon" forty times is second only to drinking when it comes to filling that downtime. It's to the point where I don't even want to go to a game after voting ends. Part of that is because I try to avoid going outside in August, but the lack of ballots has something to do with it.

I don't like not having the paper ballot option, because signing up for things on the internet is creepy. I've given MLB my information enough times that it probably doesn't matter at this point (I weighed my options, and writing in Livan was worth it), but it's still not something to be encouraged.

Look at this privacy policy. It doesn't come out and say, "We need you to sign up for stuff so we can mine rich veins of data," but I can read between the lines.

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

White Suit Pressed

"I got my white suit pressed, out the cleaners."
-Dr. Octagon, Waiting Room
In addition to its official purpose, Memorial Day is an occasion to take your Boss Hogg suits out of storage and to take stock of your baseball team.

A classy fellow like Jefferson Davis Hogg would never wear white out of season, so The Dukes of Hazzard must have taken place entirely between Memorial Day and Labor Day.
My baseball team is really good, and I don't know how to handle it. The best team I ever blogged about went .500, and they weren't actually that good. There have been better Nats teams since then, but I was happy to enjoy them without trying to have an opinion about everything. This is an usual position for me to be in, and I'm learning that I can't take being this happy. But there's no reason for anyone, including me, to care about that.

The important thing is that the Nats are good, and it's not an illusion. They're in first place now, and there's no reason to think that it won't stay that way. They've reached this position in spite of a really heavy load of injuries, a number of disappointing performances, and an opening three weeks where they looked as bad as it's possible to look.

Anyway, here are some 28% of the way through the season awards.
  • Most Valuable National: Bryce Harper is running away with this, to the point that he's the easy favorite for the actual NL MVP. He's a lock as long as he gets through the year without taking a swing at an umpire.
  • Whatever the Nats-Specific Version of the Cy Young Should be Called: Max Scherzer is good at baseball, and I'm glad he finally got some wins. He was sitting on a really rough 1-3 record for a while there.
  • Least Valuable National: Even if Stephen Strasburg isn't injured, it's getting to the point where you just make something up to get him out of there. Just tell everyone he's suffering from exhaustion, like when a famous person goes to rehab.
  • Manager of the Year: Randy Knorr's steady hand guided the Nats through one of their darkest periods. It's no coincidence that the Nats are undefeated with Knorr calling the shots.

Friday, May 22, 2015


The Phillies are in town to get their whuppin'. I sound more confident about this than I feel - I'm actually expecting a letdown in this series. The Nationals, who are awesome, dropping a series to a pack of stumblebums like the Phillies would be ironically appropriate, like when Paris killed Achilles. Sorry about the spoilers.

I mean, it has to happen sooner or later. The Nats aren't going to win every series for the rest of the year.


The Phillies somehow aren't in last place at the moment (see here for Ruben Amaro's probable reaction to that state of affairs). This is thanks to the Marlins, who responded to their team's struggles by hiring some random hillbilly to be their manager, which only seems to have made it worse.

It occurs to me that new Miami manager Dan Jennings is the Billy Carter of managers. Not in the sense that he has a famous brother, but in the sense that he's a random hillbilly who seems like he'd be up for shilling for questionable alcohol brands.

You probably know this from the Simpsons, but President Jimmy Carter's brother Billy parlayed his reputation as a drunken hayseed into his own brand of beer, Billy Beer. My heroes at Modern Drunkard Magazine report that after Billy Beer went the way of the Zima, Billy lent his celebrity imprimatur to a revolting concoction called Peanut Lolita. Peanut Lolita. If you've ever heard a creepier name for a drink, you made it up yourself and should be in jail.

Billy Carter drinking Peanut Lolita. If anyone knows of any other jobs where you get paid for looking like a dork and drinking straight out the bottle, please let me know where to send my résumé.

Thursday, May 21, 2015


We're all still furious at Marvin Hudson for throwing Bryce Harper out of the game for basically nothing, right? Even though we won? I've calmed some since it happened, but I spent some time last night musing on how much I would enjoy seeing major league umpire Marvin Hudson suspended or fired or torn asunder by wolves.

Cooler heads have since prevailed. I mean, at least he tried to help us out by getting Matt Williams out of there too.

What I do not find convincing is the argument that Harper shouldn't be removed from baseball games because people paid to see him. This line of thinking was all over the place last night, as exemplified in this ESPN piece that combines the idea with one of those Mastercard "priceless" jokes that would have been hackneyed ten years ago.
Washington Nationals ticket: $60.  
Bryce Harper jersey T-shirt: $30.  
The chance to see Marvin Hudson eject Harper in the third inning: Absolutely ridiculous.
It was ridiculous, but the first two lines do not contribute in any way to the ridiculousness. Harper deserved his ejection a week ago in Arizona, and the price of tickets or how many people wanted to see him had nothing to do with it. Would Harper's ejection last night have been hunky-dory if the fans had gotten in for free or if the stands had been empty? Does an outburst by Harper deserve more leeway than an identical blowup by, say, Tyler Moore, whom no one pays to see? I don't think we want an NBA-style caste system in baseball.

At most, the exorbitant price of a Bryce Harper jersey T-shirt should increase by one the number of ravening wolves unleashed on Marvin Hudson.

The Nationals did win, and the Mets of course lost. The Nats now have a day off to reflect on how they're in first place all by themselves, and the fact that it should have happened in April doesn't make it any less sweet.

The Mets, meanwhile, have a few hours before the Cardinals resume beating up on them to reflect on how nice it was to be in first for a while and how they're like Icarus. Icarus, you may recall, flew too close to the sun before his being absolutely terrible at flying kicked in and he died. Similarly, the Mets flew high for a while before they remembered that they're terrible at baseball and crashed back to earth.
The Mets Suck by  Jacob Peter Gowy (c. 1660)

Tuesday, May 19, 2015








I was hoping to be able to slap together a quick post about how we're finally and for good in first place, but the Cardinals let us down last night. First they break Drew Storen, now this.

Did you see that game? The Mets always look idiotic, but they took it to a new level on Monday with those ridiculous Norman Schwarzkopf costumes. They looked like they were trick or treating in 1991. Except even sillier than that, since camo stops working when you put your hideous Met colors all over it and wear it with striped white pants.
"Trick or treat!"
"Oh, aren't you cute! What are you dressed as?"
"An asshole."
So it didn't happen last night, but it'll happen soon enough. Maybe tonight.

Bryce Harper won his second straight Player of the Week award, an honor that I guess is important enough to capitalize.

This isn't news to you, I'm sure, but he really is amazing to watch right now. Harper's at-bats alternate between clinical detachment, as he calmly watches a pitch an inch inside go past him, and sudden, brutal violence when he swings. It's actually kind of unsettling.

A typical Harper AB goes something like this:
Ball 1.
Ball 2.

Monday, May 18, 2015


That was some road trip, huh? The Nationals blasted their way to the Pacific like a dyslexic William Tecumseh Sherman, and now they're a half a game out of first.

As in any successful march to sea, there were casualties, and I'm actually kind of worried about this.

Jayson Werth got plunked on the wrist by fancifully-named bad pitcher Odrisamer Despaigne and hasn't played since. He was shockingly understanding about the HBP for a guy who just got out of prison. I was expecting the old broken-lunch-tray-to-the-throat.

We're not losing much with Werth out (especially if that contract is appropriately insured). Werth being out bothers me only as a matter of depth. Getting Babyhead Taylor in there every day is actually an improvement, but it makes the bench shorter and means we have to see Tyler Moore more than is ideal (i.e., at all even once).

Doug Fister, meanwhile, so exerted himself in his charitable endeavors that he has "tightness" in his "forearm," which all too often translates into "surgery" in his "Tommy John."

This is a problem. We were supposed to get The Rotation of Five Aces (Under a Definition of "Ace" Expansive Enough to Include Gio Gonzalez). What we actually have is One Ace (Scherzer is so awesome. He's like the Bryce Harper of baseball players) and four guys who might be hurt and whose velocity is down and who just generally aren't as good as they were supposed to be.

We're holding steady for now, but what happens when three of these guys go on the DL and one of the survivors is Gio Gonzalez and there's no one left in the bullpen because they're all starting?

In other National League East news, the Marlins just got beat bad enough by the Braves that they fired their manager, Mike Redmond.

The Marlins seem to have realized that hiring an inexperienced, recently-retired player to manage your ballclub is not the best way to win a whole bunch of baseball games.

Why am I mentioning this in a blog about the Washington Nationals? Ha ha ha I can't imagine why!

Thursday, May 14, 2015

Apples, Spray Bottles, Bacon

Professor Bacon is back, and he brought a brand new Distinguished Senators feature with him: It's the Professor Bacon Bacon Blast of the Week!

I would like an apple

This week's Professor Bacon Bacon Blast of the Week award goes to "Babyhead" Michael Taylor for Wednesday's ninth inning grand slam against Arizona pitcher [look up who this is later] [actually, you know what? Don't bother]. I mean, we all know Bryce Harper would have done the same thing if he had better impulse control, but Professor Bacon doesn't care who dings the dingers as long as the dingers get dung.

Professor Bacon also wants to recommend this video. It's like he's trying to tell us something.

Having triumphed in the desert, the Nationals are off to sunny San Diego, where the locals play baseball in the middle of the night and sometimes wear camouflage uniforms so as to confound their enemies.

Will Ian Desmond commit three or four more errors? Will Bryce Harper punch an umpire in the throat? Will Alexi Amarista become the next Doug's Dude?

If you could let me know about any of those, that'd be great. I'm not staying up for this series.

UPDATE: It looks like mid-2000s relic Professor Bacon isn't compatible with mobile devices. I asked him about it, and he just kind of tilted his head at me. So I said, "You know, Apple products," and then he suggested that apple products sounded pretty tasty and maybe I should him feed him one.

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

This Year's Model

Apparently Stephen Strasburg is this year's Dan Haren. You know, the guy in the rotation where you say to yourself, "We should be good enough to get away with starting this guy, right?"

Of course, we weren't good enough to get away with starting Dan Haren in 2013, so last year we didn't have a Dan Haren. This seems to me to be the superior strategy.

What's wrong with Strasburg? Beats me. He seems to be attempting to develop a new form of batting practice where you throw 95 miles an hour fastballs right where Diamondbacks can hit them. If that was his intent, he was successful. His other pitches didn't work, I guess. I didn't stay up for it.

The big question, of course, is injury. Wait, that's not a question. "Is he injured?" There. Matt Williams thinks he isn't, and that makes me think he is. I figure one more start before they realize it, and then we can go back to the good old days of Tanner Roark in the rotation.

We'll be fine either way, but it's really a shame that just as Bryce Harper transforms into Mickey Mantle, Stephen Strasburg turns into Dan Haren.

I wish I had stayed up if only to see the debut of our new lefty set-up man, outfielder Clint Robinson. I love it when position players pitch, especially when they manage to strike out an actual player (in this case, funnypage prettyboy Aaron Hill).

You broke Luann's heart, you son of a bitch. I'm glad you got K'd by an outfielder.
Robinson was winging the fastball up there at about 80, which is so slow that Fangraphs decided that half of them were changeups. That may not be sustainable, but he was getting better results than the guy throwing 95.

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Tonight on MASN: Nationals vs. [Opponent]

“I have yet to understand the value of Arizona. I have yet to understand why God brought me here.”

-Cappadonna, never catering to none
It's a shame the victory lap had to start two time zones away against a bunch of guys I'd never heard of playing for a team I often forget exists.

Seriously, the Diamondbacks' starting lineup was like something from an unlicensed video game. I vaguely remember Aaron Hill from Toronto and from his appearances as an unattainable dreamboat in Luann.
Arizona Diamondbacks second baseman Aaron Hill
And I guess I remember Paul Goldschmidt, but that's only because he led the league in homers a couple years ago, and I'd never heard of him then. I still couldn't pick him out of a lineup, especially if they put Mark DeRosa in there to fool me. I only know who he is because I don't know who he is.

But hey, eleven runs are still eleven runs even if you score them in the middle of nowhere against nobodies. And there's nothing to help you unwind after a long trip like winning a baseball game in which the outcome is never once, not even for a moment, in doubt.

Monday, May 11, 2015

Victory Lap

I don't know about you guys, but I am officially No Longer Worried.

Marlins? Taken care of.
Braves? Very much taken care of.
Mets? Well, that's just a matter of time.

Let's face it - back when the Nationals were tied with the Phillies for last place, it wasn't the Marlins, Braves, and Mets against whom they were competing. It was themselves.

It's almost as though the Nats were taking us on a tour of baseball history. On offense, the Nats recreated the magical year of 1968, when the Yippies ran wild, Apollo Something or Other orbited the Moon, and baseball players couldn't hit baseballs.

On defense they took us even further into the past by mimicking the forgotten, probably mustachioed gentlemen playing the game in 1868. Back then, they'd hadn't thought to bring gloves with them on the fielding job, and and a cleanly-handled base ball was as much of a novelty as an electric street light. Certain Nationals took this time-travel role-playing even further, fielding their positions as though they'd had an arm blown off at Antietam.

The last four series proved that the Nationals have dropped the Mr. Peabody and Sherman act and returned to the present day. The Mets will soon be swatted out of the way, and everything's going to be just fine.

Consider the rest of the season a 130-game victory lap.

Friday, May 08, 2015

Livan: Now More Than Ever

Today is the last day to write in Livan in the Franchise Four vote. I'm not expecting everyone to show the dedication that I did - I did actually write him in for every one of the nine teams he played for (I had completely forgotten that he was on the Rockies, and I bet they'd like to), along with Greatest Living Players and MLB Pioneers.

I didn't write him in for the Negro Leaguers vote. Outta respect.

While I don't expect anyone else to go through that rigmarole (much less to find the url for each team and paste them into nine consecutive words in a sentence that you've gone back and lengthened just so you have nine words for the urls), I do think it is the duty of every Nats fan to:
  • Vote for Ryan Zimmerman
  • Write in Livan
    • Or at least someone who played for the Nats - Keith Osik or Levale Speigner or someone
Every vote that doesn't go to Dutch or Livan (or Deivi Cruz or whomever) goes to some damn Expo. I mean, Tim Raines is the poor man's Rickey and that makes him pretty great, but I'm not exactly burning to see him honored at the All Star Game in place of someone - anyone - who played in DC.

Write in ¡Livan!

Thursday, May 07, 2015

This is the Urn

Bryce Harper hit three home runs on Wednesday, and that's something I'm in favor of.

It was the high point of what has so far been a Great Leap Forward for Harper, as he attempts to transform his offense through rapid industrialization and collectivization. I'm guessing that's how batting coach Rick Schu phrased it, anyway.

Translation: "Bryce Harper's bat is like a steel I-beam!" Note 106.7 FM The Fan broadcast tower in the background.
It's working so far. Harper's walking a ton and cranking lots of dingers. He's also striking out a lot, but this is now and we don't care anymore. His swing's better, he's not jerking his head around, and he hasn't yet KO'd himself on a wall.

So, is this it? We've been waiting ever since Harper was drafted for the big, MVP-caliber season. People have been disappointed so far, and while that disappointment isn't the most logical thing, it's understandable. He hasn't played a full season, never hit 30 homers, never been in an MVP race. Frankly, he got swagger-jacked by Mike Trout, who came up for good at about the same time and has been much, much, much better. Much.

But hell, Harper's younger than Trout, and according to advanced statistical projection systems, he always will be. He came into the season as still the youngest player in the National League, and it's his fourth season. There's plenty of time for Harper to do what we all expect him to.

I'm just glad it's happening now before he bolts for somewhere else with a $500 million contract, and I hope he stays well clear of walls.

Wednesday, May 06, 2015

These Days

Tuesday's game was very Nationalsy. It was the distillation of the Washington Nationals in These Times.

There were injuries, defensive screwups, and the inability of the players to make their bats contact baseballs in such a way that they (the players) were able to reach safely the bases strewn across the infield.

Mat Latos did it to us again. Mat Latos.

Big, booming offense wasn't part of the plan this year, I realize. When Mike Rizzo rolled this team, he put all the points could into Starting Pitching. The problem is that a starter can't do it on his own - even Kerry Wood in 1998 needed some help from his fielders, and Rizzo didn't put any points into Defense (or Constitution, Dexterity, or Charisma, for that matter).

When Defense lets down Starting Pitching, you need some kinda Offense. More, at any rate, than "One Run against Mat Latos" Offense.

The real star of the Washington Nationals in These Times, though, is manager Matt Williams, who should be fired. Or maybe demoted to AAA to work on his managing.

A good manager puts his players in situations where they are likely to succeed. A bad manager has Dan Uggla bunt. It's not entirely clear to me why Dan Uggla is hanging around this team, but I know it's not for bunting. His last sac bunt came in 2009, and that's still true even after Williams had him try it again, because it sure didn't work.

I also thought pinch-hitting with Doug Fister was pretty dopey, but I'm not going to act like I didn't squeal with delight when it worked. It's like the universe is rewarding him for all that charity work he's doing with Doug's Dingers.

UPDATE: Bob Carpenter just now, on Tom Koehler: "28 years of old..."

Monday, May 04, 2015

We're Rolling We're Rolling We're Rolling We're Rolling-uh

Imagine how confused the Phillies were. "This . . . this can't be possible," Ruben Amaro muttered as he scanned the National League East standings. "We took every precaution; our calculations were exact. We even signed Jeff Francoeur. The experts said there was no way we weren't finishing last!"

I don't know why the Phillies are so desperate to finish last, and I don't much care. I will say that their plight reminds me of the mid-1990s, when the Phils weren't trying very hard to win and we were supposed to pretend that Philadelphia was a "small market." I remember standing around in my giant baggy pants listening to Soul Coughing and trying really hard to ignore that Philly had, like, three times as many people as Atlanta.

Amaro no longer has to worry that he should have tried harder to give away Chase Utley: the Nats are no longer in last place, and the Phillies can settle in there for the long haul.

Meanwhile, in the higher reaches of the division, the Mets got taken down a peg just like I wished for. They're still in first, but they know it won't last. Previously unbeaten at home and with a winning record against their superiors (i.e., us), they are now very much beaten at home and with a losing record against their superiors. Ha ha.

Now the Marlins come in with their weirdly Nationals-esque narrative. Terrible at the start of the season, they're currently on some kinda hot streak. If we can win this series, we'll be at least in third place and maybe even over .500. If that happens, I won't be talking so much about firing Matt Williams, although I will still be thinking it every moment I'm awake.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go get me a Livan bobblehead.

Update: Success! Looks just like him.

Friday, May 01, 2015

First Mistake

I get the feeling that this weekend is going to be great, but I'm going to miss it all. It's already started, actually - I barely saw Thursday's game. I have a horse race to prepare for and a brisket to smoke. Some things (e.g., brisket) are more important than watching the Mets get their upcommence.

The Mets getting brought down a peg is still really important, though. Look at the them strutting around with their idiot colors and their silly name. "Duhhhh we're in first place," they say. "And we read on Distinguished Senators that the Nationals are terrible and won't ever catch us."

Reading Distinguished Senators was your first mistake, The Mets. Well, except for picking your name and your colors. I guess those were first. And there were probably some roster mistakes early on. Maybe Casey Stengel wasn't the right guy for that job, either.

But anyway, reading Distinguished Senators was a recent mistake, The Mets. You're in first place now, but it's a fluke and you know it. The Nats are only five games back, they're better than you, and Matt Williams can't hold them back forever (right?). As you sift through the rubble of another wasted season, you may look back fondly on April. It's all you'll have left.