This Year's Model

Apparently Stephen Strasburg is this year's Dan Haren. You know, the guy in the rotation where you say to yourself, "We should be good enough to get away with starting this guy, right?"

Of course, we weren't good enough to get away with starting Dan Haren in 2013, so last year we didn't have a Dan Haren. This seems to me to be the superior strategy.

What's wrong with Strasburg? Beats me. He seems to be attempting to develop a new form of batting practice where you throw 95 miles an hour fastballs right where Diamondbacks can hit them. If that was his intent, he was successful. His other pitches didn't work, I guess. I didn't stay up for it.

The big question, of course, is injury. Wait, that's not a question. "Is he injured?" There. Matt Williams thinks he isn't, and that makes me think he is. I figure one more start before they realize it, and then we can go back to the good old days of Tanner Roark in the rotation.

We'll be fine either way, but it's really a shame that just as Bryce Harper transforms into Mickey Mantle, Stephen Strasburg turns into Dan Haren.

I wish I had stayed up if only to see the debut of our new lefty set-up man, outfielder Clint Robinson. I love it when position players pitch, especially when they manage to strike out an actual player (in this case, funnypage prettyboy Aaron Hill).

You broke Luann's heart, you son of a bitch. I'm glad you got K'd by an outfielder.

Robinson was winging the fastball up there at about 80, which is so slow that Fangraphs decided that half of them were changeups. That may not be sustainable, but he was getting better results than the guy throwing 95.

Tonight on MASN: Nationals vs. [Opponent]

“I have yet to understand the value of Arizona. I have yet to understand why God brought me here.”

-Cappadonna, never catering to none

It's a shame the victory lap had to start two time zones away against a bunch of guys I'd never heard of playing for a team I often forget exists.

Seriously, the Diamondbacks' starting lineup was like something from an unlicensed video game. I vaguely remember Aaron Hill from Toronto and from his appearances as an unattainable dreamboat in Luann.

Arizona Diamondbacks second baseman Aaron Hill

And I guess I remember Paul Goldschmidt, but that's only because he led the league in homers a couple years ago, and I'd never heard of him then. I still couldn't pick him out of a lineup, especially if they put Mark DeRosa in there to fool me. I only know who he is because I don't know who he is.

But hey, eleven runs are still eleven runs even if you score them in the middle of nowhere against nobodies. And there's nothing to help you unwind after a long trip like winning a baseball game in which the outcome is never once, not even for a moment, in doubt.