I'm Talking About Baseball and I Care!

For purposes of comparison, Jim Bowden's reaction to catching heat from teh intranets, via Nats 320:

“That’s what makes those websites so much fun, because of people like that--its like talk radio. They are not suppose to like anything you do. They are suppose to show both sides, but, they want to stir it up, so you will respond to it. They want you to get mad. They want to have fun. Its like wrestling, professional wrestling. Its not a REAL WRESTLING MATCH, ITS AN ACT, ITS DRAMA, ITS FUN TO BE WITH. Its really great. The good thing is—They are all talking about baseball, AND THEY CARE!!. Whether someone is ripping you or praising you, THEY CARE, and that’s what its all about. WE WANT EVERYONE IN WASHINGTON TO CARE ABOUT THE NATIONALS!!"

You have the Distinguished Senators guarantee that I'm being entirely non-sarcastic for the duration of this post except for the computer-hacking part: AWESOME! Seriously, this is the best possible reaction a guy in Bowden's situation could have. Bodes has taken a lot of crap over the years (Oh, sweet merciful crap, it's actually been years!), and I'd certainly argue that he deserved most of it. Does he get upset about it? NO! Does he revel in it? YES! Does he compare it to rasslin'? HELL YEAH HE DOES! No doubt my warmening to Bowden's actual work at managing generally is contributing to my appreciation of this sentiment, but still. Awesome. He's not even holding a grudge over the time I hacked into his computer and said he Googled himself.

Now to an issue that, while seemingly unimportant, elicits such strong reactions from fans that its utter unimportance just kind of makes everyone look silly: nicknames. Ryan Zimmerman is the only man on the 2007 Nationals who matters, so of course it's vital that he gets an appropriate moniker; more than one, if possible. I covered this ages ago, at the genesis of the widely reviled "Dutch" movement.

I'm man enough to admit that Dutch is dead, but there's another candidate. The Washington Post's Sports Bog (I guess I missed the explanation for the name, but I'm sure it's hella clever) is one of those things -- like Nats 320 -- that popped up while I was in hiding writing my Rickey musical. It (once again, like Nats 320) is a completely rad addition to the blogroll and, by extension, your daily surfing, which I trust consists of every site I have linked over there, clicked in order of alphabet within category. It's January, and you should be using the Bog at the very least to keep track of the coverage of Gilbert Arenas, who's like Livan with (a little) more talent and no language barrier. Seriously, I love that guy.

Anyway, the Bog posits a new nickname for Zimmerman: the RZA. And I'm all like, "Hell yeah the RZA!" Then I launch into my favorite RZA verse, which can be found on "Reunited," the first song on the Wu-Tang Clan's triumphant second album, Wu-Tang Forever. I quote:

The Riddla
Funny bone tickla
Freak Caligula
Bigger dick sex enigma
Pistil fertilize your stigma

Imagine that over the speakers as Zimmerman strides to the plate! And the great part is that, by giving him this one nickname, we're actually giving him about twenty. The RZA -- the rapper, I mean -- has, as does any member in good standing of the Wu-Tang Clan, a shocking number of reserve appellations: variations on his original name, Five Percent Nation weirdness, and what have you. Tired of calling him (Zimmerman this time) RZA? How about Bobby Digital -- after all, his loving is Digi. Perhaps Zimm has brough the Nats back from a seemingly insurmountable deficit -- he's the RZArecta! Hell, I'm tempted to start calling Nick Johnson the Method Man (his method at the plate is to wait for a good pitch!) just so I can also call him the Ticallion Stallion or Johnny Blaze or the Pantyraider. The starting lineup for you Washington Nationals . . .

The RZA
The GZA
Ol' Dirty Bastard
Inspector Deck
Raekwon the Chef
U-God
The Ghostface Killa and . . .
The Method Man

We could do worse.