My slang is editorial.
Now that he's making an MLB salary, John can certainly afford some personal grooming tools. Eyebrow pluckers are not THAT expensive!
They're real, and they're spectacular.
He looks like David Ferrie of JFK assassination lore. Google that dude and prepare to get a little squicked out by those eyebrows.
And Ferrie (I just learned) didn't actually have any hair - he chose those things like Stan Sitwell.
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