I Think Will Carroll Is Trying to Lure Me Out of Retirement

Can you think of a better explanation? I guess he gave up on the Brian Giles thing, but it looks like he's filming a rap video, so good for him.

Let's Hope This Works Out Better Than The Last Trade I Liked

"Don't forget, pitching is the name of the game. The lack of it, especially in the bullpen, beat us last season."
-- Cincinnati Reds GM Wayne Krivsky, after trading Austin Kearns, Felipe Lopez, and some other guy for four or five dudes I have already forgotten were ever Nationals.

Psych! That quotation actually emanated from Cincinnati Reds GM Bill DeWitt after he traded Frank Robinson for Milt Pappas and some dudes that everyone's forgotten ever played for anyone. Still, instructive, huh? Here's what we can learn:

1. Reds GMs tend toward the dumbass side of the ledger.
2. History repeats itself.

Given that history repeats itself, the obvious implication is that Austin Kearns is the next Frank Robinson. So we have a lot to look forward to: an MVP, a triple crown, a few pennants, and that proud moment when Kearns becomes the African-American manager in baseball history.

And as for Felipe Lopez, History may not lay out his path as clearly as it does Kearns', but he's already the best shortstop in Nationals history, narrowly edging out Deivi Cruz for that honor.

Of course, all this comes at a price. The martyrdom of Brendan Harris is complete, and the end is happier for Harris than it is for most martyrs. He might even get a chance to play, rather than scraping together a living as a George W. Bush impersonator. I'm informed that Bill Bray is pretty good, and I'm certainly misty over the good times I had watching what's-his-name and the guy Paciorek liked because he's Polish. But it's worth it, and for once Jim Bowden's single-minded pursuit of Reds has paid off for us. I'm even getting to the point that I trust him to trade Soriano.

If It Worked for Needham . . .

I'm thinking about quitting, too. Looove meeee!

Me 'n' Alfonso

Alfonso Soriano and I have something in common. At the moment, I'm 28 years old and drunk. I wish I could stay 28 years old, and I wish I could stay drunk.

Alfonso Soriano is a Washington National at the moment, and he wishes he could stay a Washington Natinoal.

I wish I could stay 28 years old and drunk. Soriano wishes he could stay a Nat. I shouldn't stay 28 years old, and I shouldn't stay drunk, and Alfonso shouldn't stay a National. So that's something we have in common. Awesome!

P.S. I'm also eating a pretzel. There's no reason, basebally-speaking, that I shouldn't continue.