Sunday, January 16, 2005

Something for Nothing

I have not yet discussed the latest round of Sammy Sosa trade rumors. I also haven't discussed the foreign policy of the Kingdom of Rohan or the geneaology of the House of Atreides, because I try to stay focused on the real world. You may remember that the last time this idea popped up, the offer was something along the lines of Brad Wilkerson in exchange for Sammy Sosa and all his salary in perpetuity. The new offer is Terrmel Sledge in exchange for Sammy Sosa and all his salary in perpetuity. From MLB.com:
A source close to the situation said while the Nationals have talked to the Cubs, they are not willing to give up young players or take on Sosa's salary, which is $35 million for the next two seasons. The source added that Washington's top priority is acquiring a starting pitcher.
"The Nationals are not trading for Sosa unless the Cubs are willing to pay the entire salary," the source said. "The team will not trade its young players for Sosa."
Essentially, Bowden is making public that the fact that he would happily accept Sosa if he doesn't have to pay anything or give anyone up. I'm sure he'd be willing to trade Jamey Carroll for Albert Pujols, too, and that trade idea is just about as realistic. So, in conclusion, nice job getting your name in the papers again, Bodes. You're doing a bang-up job.
Great Moments in Sports Journalism with Dayn Perry!
No doubt Dayn was sitting around wondering, "how could I make this week's celebrity-humping fantasy just a little bit creepier? I know, I'll make it kinda racial! If I keep this up, I'll be a gag-writer for Tom Arnold in no time!"
9. Imaginary girlfriend of the week

Why, it's Eva Mendes! She's among the fetching harem members of an East L.A. street gang. I lead the hardscrabble but outrageously wealthy O.C. Gringo Kings out of my Mission Viejo estate. It's forbidden love, but our passion, which is intense, carnal and somewhat filthy, will not abide our being apart for very long. We make love to the throbbing Tejano beats of the barrio. I adore her for her swarthy charms, nasty inclinations and tamale skills. She adores my money. It works until it no longer works, at which point I move on to something British and uncomplicated. Like Scary Spice.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I can't decide which is more realistic, Pujols/Carroll or Day'n/Scary Spice.

I'm certainly frightened by the latter.

Olivier said...

Aw, admint it Ryan. You really don't care about the Sosa Rumor, you didn't even discuss it. You just made that post so you could creep us up with Dayn Perry...

And it worked!

Ryan said...

Yeah, pretty soon my posts are going to be nothing but "Hey, you know who's pretty cool? Livan. Now, 2000 words on what a jackass Dayn Perry is."