Swears? Don't Mind If I Do!

Hey, stuff happened! Let's all try to enjoy stuff just because it's stuff, you know? We shouldn't get all bogged down in what actually happened, because then we'll be sad. Let's just be glad that stuff did, in fact, happen.

• Alfonso Soriano lost his arbitration case, meaning he'll make $10 million for his one miserable year of service in Washington. Even though he lost, Soriano was awarded the biggest salary in the history of arbitration (well, only in the history of baseball arbitration, I guess). He made $7.5 million last year and hit a whole bunch of shiny homeruns, so the Nationals certainly knew he'd get something record-breaking even though he's clearly not worth that much. But Bowden got him anyway, and it wasn't for free. I'm not angry, Bodes -- I'm just disappointed.
• Just kidding. I'm real fucking angry.
  
• Another tidbit from Fonzie's arb case:

  The case was heard in Tampa, Fla., on Thursday, with attorneys Mel Southard and Greg Torborg, the son of former Major League manager Jeff Torborg, representing the Nationals.

  Here, in case you're interested, is Greg Torborg's brother. He's on the right. I wonder what they talk about at Christmas.
• Remember when I was talking about how little there is to like about the Nats?

  The Washington Nationals yesterday sold the contract of utility infielder Jamey Carroll to the Colorado Rockies

  It had to happen. There were just too many guys owed too much money for Jamey to stick around. Of course, it wouldn't have had to have happened if Bowden hadn't pulled all those Bowdens earlier in the offseason. (NB: In this case, to "pull a Bowden" means to sign a player for no reason other than to have signed a player. It has nothing to do with leather pants or tracksuits or hideously inappropriate analogies. In this case.)
• Good news?

  Sammy Sosa is seriously considering retiring from baseball instead of accepting an offer from the Washington Nationals, a source close to the player told ESPNdeportes.com.

  Could the gun Bowden's been using to shoot himself in the foot have run out of bullets?

  "Sammy doesn't think of himself as someone who has to beg for a spot on a big league roster," said the source.

  And that's one of the reasons I don't want him on the Nats. He's not good enough to start. A guy with his skills could certainly be a valuable bench player, but that's not how Sammy thinks. He thinks that it's still 1998 and that everyone loves him and calls him the "Caribbean Bambino." Sammy doesn't want to be on the bench, so don't offer him a spot.
• How could anyone care? Do you feel sorry for Tony Tavares because he lives in an apartment instead of his house? This is such a stupid fucking story, and it's not even the first time they've done it. Who cares that Bodes lives in a hotel? WHO COULD POSSIBLY CARE?
• Wait, I'm not done with this ridiculous story. This is from the first paragraph:

  To the best of anyone's knowledge, not a single player has purchased a house in the Washington area, preferring to rent instead. The shorter the lease, the better.

  Later, we get this:

  It is not uncommon for players on all teams to rent an apartment in the team's home city, but spend their offseasons wherever "home" is.

  Look, we're all plenty upset enough about the stadium mess without the Post bringing this Will Carroll-quality bullshit. They couldn't find a sob story about a damn ice dancer with a sick grandmother so they had to use this to fill space? The Post is supposed to be a real newspaper, and it better start fucking acting like one. I don't want to have to read the Times.