Friday, November 18, 2005

Hey Bodes (Featuring Swears!)

Is this supposed to impress the Red Sox, you dumb fucker?
Free agent Marlon Anderson agreed to a $1.85 million, two-year deal with the Washington Nationals on Friday.
Remember when Vidro was out and we brought in Junior Spivey, who did nothing and then got hurt? Anderson makes Spivey look like Frankie Fucking Frisch, the Fucking Fordham Flash.

Marlon Anderson can't hit (career .265/.314/.385) and he can't field. He's a spare part for a spare part and exactly the kind of guy you're not supposed give two guaranteed years. Remember Moneyball? Billy Beane's success isn't just because of fancy SABR stats and slapping Milos on people and microchips and stuff, it's because he doesn't do silly shit like this. Anderson can't play and doesn't fill a need. We have Brendan Harris, who I foolishly thought was going to get a chance this year. We have loveable Jamey Carroll. We have Damian Jackson and Rick Short. What the hell can Marlon Anderson do that these guys can't? You can stick him in the outfield, as the Cardinals did when he got beat out for the second base job by Tony Womack in '04, but why would you? Well, I suppose a two-year contract will answer that question to Frank's satisfaction. You dumb fucker.


Above: The face the enemy. Also the cheesy baseball tie of the enemy.

4 comments:

Brian said...

Swear-aliciously good

Nate said...

Now that you're back to slammin' Bodes, all is right with the world.

JammingEcono said...

I can't help pointing out that we didn't get him for his ultra-sucky .265/.314/.385 career STARTING numbers, but rather for his career .308 AVG as a pinch-hitter. Apart from (maybe) Short, I don't see anyone coming off the bench for us that can hit like that.

Olivier said...

From ESPN's scouting report:

"
A free swinger, Anderson can hit the fastball. He tries to lift too many balls to stay consistent. He does not work counts effectively, and he is vulnerable to breaking balls. Anderson has above-average speed and can be a high-percentage basestealer. He remains a crude defensive player at second. His range is more than adequate, but he often throws without setting himself and is inconsistent in turning the double play. As an occasional outfielder, Anderson is adequate at best in left."

Woooo...