I Read the News Today, Oh Boy

Since starting this blog, I've been trying to keep an eye out for other news on Washington baseball. The Post doesn't seem to care much (who can blame them? It's Mystics season!), but the Times has something every once in a while. Today, there's a column by Dick Heller about . . . I don't know what. Here are his points, as far as I can tell:
1) The Orioles are not good
2) The Senators were not good
3) Peter Angelos is not good
I think that's what he's trying to say. Really, it's two columns, casually joined in the middle, and there's something about Angelos dressed like Santa. I don't know why I'm bothering, but here are bits that stuck in my craw:

On the O's 14-0 loss to Cleveland: " . . . the Indians' batch of banjo hitters scored the most runs by a Cleveland team in three years." These banjo hitters are leading the American League in BA and OBP (did you know that? I didn't). They're seventh in SLG, third in BB, and - most importantly - first in runs. They don't hit many homers (Sorry - "jack" that many "dingers" - I'm still gunning for that Sportscenter job), but homers are merely a means to an end, and that end is runs. By the only measure that counts, Cleveland has the best offense in the league. Buncha banjo hitters.

"Our own little club in Washington or Northern Virginia?" I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Screw Virginia.

"As presently constituted, the O's look like rummage sale refugees anyway." This is unduly harsh. Granted, the Baltimores are having a rough streak, and they sure can't pitch. On the other hand, their lineup is one to be envied, recent scuffling aside. Tejada is probably the league's best shortstop, now that A-Rod has moved left (from the hitter's perspective). Palmeiro's power is down, but his batting eye is sharp, and I'm not going to make a Viagra joke. Melvin Mora is beginning to convince us that he wasn't a fluke last year. It's not unreasonable to expect Gibbons, Bigbie, Matos, and at least one of the second basemen to pick up the pace. The pitching really is atrocious, though. It seems like every time I turn on the O's, the announcer's lamenting that tonight's 25-year-old lefty has thrown 80 pitches by the fourth inning. This team won't contend in the AL East and would have a hard time elsewhere. But they're not - how do I put this? - they're not the Expos.

" . . . the reborn Washington Nationals taking the field in 2005 . . ." It's like this guy hasn't even been reading the Name of the 'Spos. Nationals is out, buddy.

The brutal irony of all this is that a completely pointless column in the Washington Times prompted another completely pointless column by me complaining about its pointlessness.


In other news, this blog is celebrating it's one-week anniversary, and I'm already out of ways to say the Expos can't hit. Here's to another week!

UPDATE: I get done with this thing then go check the scores. The Expos have 3 runs in 3 innings (with a Vidro "dinger"), and the Indians have none. Distinguished Senators - where the irony never stops!

UPDATE II: There's a black fly in my Chardonnay!