This One Goes Out to All You Boppers

Gammo. Gammo! GAMMO!

The Astros keep pestering the Mets about Mike Cameron, but it is looking less and less likely that New York will move Cameron because they have to get a strong corner bat in return, and right now there may not be any on the market." One possibility for Houston is Terrmel Sledge, as Washington is looking for a bopper and will move Sledge and/or Endy Chavez.

That stray quotation mark isn't the only thing that doesn't make sense here. I read it and couldn't make it work. Then I started drinking and read it again - still nothing, but I did notice the quotation mark. Houston is after a center fielder, but they don't have a good hitter to give up. So instead, they're going to trade for a good hitter from Washington, who wants a good hitter in return. Unless Gammons is suggested a three-way trade, with Houston getting Cameron, the Mets getting Sledge and maybe Chavez, and us getting a bopper. So, in the parlance of the multiple-choice test, D) Cannot answer based on information given.

More Gammo:

Good news with the Nationals: Tony Armas and John Patterson are both throwing well. Patterson said this is the best the ball has come out of his hand since before he got hurt in the Arizona organization. "John really started to throw well last season when he hurt his groin," catcher Brian Schneider said. "He can be very good for us."

Typical Spring Training optimism. I suppose I should say something like, "If Armas stays healthy and lives up to his potential, he could be a solid #2 starter for us." But I'm all about forced, self-concious iconoclasm (not literally), so screw it. Also, Landlord Ohka doesn't get enough respect. He's out there throwing 200 innings while Armas is sitting in a bar with his arm in a sling hitting on girls by telling them about his #2 starter potential.

Still more:

To not read Will Carroll's spring Team Health Reports and his in-season Under The Knife is to miss perhaps the best column in the business.

It's been oft mentioned that Gammons needs an editor, so I take it upon myself to make this logical:

To not read Will Carroll's spring Team Health Reports and his in-season Under The Knife is to miss perhaps the best Will Carroll column in the business.

There, that's not insane. Even I agree with that. And lest we forget, another thing I agree with:

Why can’t someone do some actual reporting or at least fact-checking?

Basil of Nationals Inquirer, who gave me the idea to link to the Catholic Encyclopedia, has a fun live-blog thingy of the Nats/O's exhibition. By the way, here's the coolest thing in the Catholic Encyclopedia, which I use at work all the time. Anyway, Basil posits a couple of nicknames. I relish the thought of calling Jared Sandberg "El Nepotista," though not quite enough to hope that I ever see him at RFK. I appreciate the Dennis Miller-esque erudition of George "the Heretic" Arias, but I don't see it catching on. My plan is to find a mention of Arias in the inscrutable, poorly-translated Japanese press and go for the cheap laffs. That's where Landlord Ohka comes from, although that doesn't make anyone laugh.