Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Sitting Feeling Sorry in the Salty Dog

As Basil helpfully points out in the comments to my last post, it's been a full week since my last post. I defend myself thusly: fuck ya'll, I was on vacation. It wasn't all arcades and all-I-could-eat crabs -- I was doing research. I avoided the beach entirely in favor of sitting in a Pittsburgh-themed bar watching the Nats, and I kept close count of Ocean City's vital statistics. You'll be happy to know that Nationals caps and shirts outnumbered Orioles stuff, though both were beaten easily by Confederate flags. Everyone was just excited by the Dukes of Hazzard movie, no doubt. Anyway, here's today's feeble attempt at ~CONTENT!
  • You probably know this, but Nick Johnson and Ryan Church are the DL. Nick is just straight up brittle. What would take a normal human a week to recover from takes Nick a month, according to my medical computations. Hey, I've got all the same credentials as Will Carroll. As far as Church goes, I'm still waiting for Tom Boswell's heartfelt apology. "I'm sorry I used my widely-read forum to imply you were a pussy based on absolutely fucking nothing, Ryan! I won't do it again!" Be a man, Boz.
  • How 'bout that Esteban Loiaza? It's far enough into the season that I can recognize that I was totally wrong about the dude. I was against the signing; indeed, thanks a bizarre mis-quotation in the Washington Post, my opposition has been immortalized for the ages. But he's been really good, and still has pretty far to fall before he stops being a quality starter. The lesson to be learned? Don't listen to me. I don't know shit about dick. I'm saying this now before the government makes me plaster it up top.
  • Speaking of Loaiza, he pitched a hell of a game yesterday, and got a well-deserved standing ovation when he left in the 9th. That doesn't mean anything, though, because he also received a standing O at the conclusion of a five inning, four run performance against Pittsburgh on June 30. The Pirates' announcer was laughing at the Nats fans, and he was right to do so. Yes, cheering a valiant but defeated player is better than booing, but look at it this way: when looking at the Nationals' unexpected success, the more esoterically inclined among us have often pointed the fan factor. The Expos played in front of a demoralizing 15 people a game, and the throngs of Nats fans have certainly helped their performance, right? Well, if we accept that idea, it's natural to conclude that if a standing ovation is the reward for even a crappy performance, the team will lose the incentive to excel. Just like communism.
  • Jose Vidro's back! I barely remember the last time he played. The only thing I can recall is Needham bitching (rightly) about his range. Here's the thing about Vidro: he's already a very old man, in baseball terms. He can't run, he can't field, but he can still hit. That wouldn't be so bad, except that he's signed through 2008 for good money, and by then he has a good chance to be 2005-vintage Carlos Baerga. Trade him! There is allegedly interest in Bret Boone, and Bodes needs to get on the phone with anyone who's considering that. And not just to laugh at them.
  • Speaking of Bodes, his silly ass is reported to be heartily pursuing Preston Wilson, who can't hit and is about to be a free agent. Wilson wouldn't be an improvement if we got him for free, so why the hell would Bowden want to trade for him? Why does Bowden hate Ryan Church and, by extension, America?

4 comments:

Chris Needham said...

Great blog here! Welcome to the neighborhood. I'll have to link you sometime!

Basil said...

FOR SHAME.

If this is anyone but Steve Allen, you're stealing my bit!

El Gran Color Naranja said...

I was going to read your column, but I got to the Dukes of Hazzard clip and couldn't pry myself away from the site.

"Something bumped up into my undercarriage."

It could mean her car or her vagina! Comic Gold! Best m00vie of teh summer!

Ryan said...

Stifler, you've done it again!