I'm Doing the Time of My Life!

Not much to talk about today, aside from that thing I'm not calling a fiasco. Not because it's not, mind you. It's a stylistic thing. Anyway, MLB.com's Bill Ladson has another bad mailbag column, but I don't get upset about that anymore. I might as well pitch a fit every time Family Circus isn't funny. I guess there a few bits worth mockery. Ladson has selected some questions so dumb that they make him look like a damn genius, backing up my theory that he gets his questions from the same place the titans of journalism behind Parade Magazine's Personality Parade get theirs. Which is a long-winded way of saying that he makes them up.

With Miguel Tejada apparently wanting to get traded, what are the chances of the Nationals getting him for Jose Vidro and Cristian Guzman? That would open up second base for Soriano.
-- Tom P., Burlington, Ontario

Good idea, "Tom P." Then we can send Jamey Carroll and Jose Rijo to St. Louis for that Pujols guy -- we need a backup for Nick, after all. Here are parts of two Ladson answers:

That proposed trade will not happen because Vidro is hurt . . .

It's going to be impossible to trade Vidro because he is hurt right now.

Oh, come on, Bill. It's a pretty thin column to begin with, you don't even write half of it, and you're padding.

However, of the three the Nationals traded, I hated to see Terrmel Sledge go, because I believe he is going to be a star in the Major Leagues.

Sledge is going to be 29 next year and has yet to do jack in the majors. Name me one "star in the Major Leagues" who hadn't done anything by that point in his career. Monte Irvin doesn't count.

Brad Wilkerson is a great person and team player, but he must cut down on the strikeouts.

Yeah, well we didn't exactly trade him for Tony Gwynn. To be fair, Wilkerson strikes out even more than Soriano, and it's not a small difference either -- 20-30 a year. (By the way, why is Sledge going to be a star? "He can hit all types of pitching and doesn't strike out much." The man's obsessed.)

Maybe a change of scenery will work wonders for him.

This could well be true, but Ladson doesn't bother to tell you why. Does he know?

In completely hilarious news, Sidney Ponson is going to prison.

Just another number: Prisoner 1204 locked down in the belly of the beast.

It looks like the Man is taking away that saw he brought with him, so somebody should get him a keg of beer with a file in it. It won't take him long to get to the bottom, and maybe he can save us from spending $40 million on Jarrod Washburn.