Sunday, December 04, 2005

Pinheads

The short history of the Washington Nationals is curiously intertwined with that of the Los Angeles Angels. The Expos, thanks to the intransigence of Peter Angelos and incompetence of Major League Baseball, lost good-natured slugger Vladimir Guerrero in free agency to the Angels, surely the greatest tragedy of the relocation (from the Washington fan's perspective only, of course). The link was strengthened when the Nats acquired the temperamental, mercurial Jose Guillen from the Angels in exchange for Juan Rivera (both young and promising) and Maicer Izturis. The best part, of course, was the Pine Tar Affair, when Frank Robinson -- possibly using inside info from Guillen -- got L.A. pitcher Brendan Donnelly ejected and suspended for having pine tar on his glove. Angels manager Mike Scioscia went nuts, Jose Guillen, a man hated by pretty much everyone on the other side, tied the game with a homer, and the Nats went on to win. Afterwards, Frank called himself the Intimidator and Scioscia fumed about it. Their feud was paralleled in the sad, sort of assy-smelling world of blogs, as Angels and Nationals bloggers revealed themselves to be frothing halfwits and smug jerk-offs, respectively.

It's all merely coincidence, but it's odd how often I find myself thinking about the Angels. And now they have another former Expo/National to dance with them on their pinhead, as Hector Carrasco has struck gold in California.
The Washington Nationals lost their second pitcher in a week yesterday when right-hander Hector Carrasco , a valuable setup man who started games late in the season, signed a two-year, $6.1 million deal with the Los Angeles Angels.
Let me state once again that I'm appalled by the fact that we don't have an owner. Boondoggle, national disgrace, all that. Yet the actual damage done to the team is hard to detect. So far, it's saved us from probably overpaying for one pitcher and definitely, wildly overpaying for this one. I sort of talked about Carrasco before, and I think I actually made some sense in among all the nonsense about magic and goats. Basically, he's not going to have a 2-ish ERA again and probably won't be an effective starter again, but I figured he was going to get paid as though these things were at least a pretty good possibility. And I was right! So have fun with Hector, Angels fans, and hope that "deadly changeup" Randy St. Claire taught him sticks. I predict you're all going to forget about him pretty quickly (check out the paltry notice the signing got in this very special Angels blog), and then one day in 2007 you're going to check out the team's payroll, and here's what you're going to say: "3 million for Hector Carrasco?! Great Caesar's ghost!" Or something like that.

As for us, here's the advice I had a month ago:
. . . take the Carrasco and Loaiza money and give it to Kenny Rogers, who's actually good and brings with him the intriguing possibility of someone getting his ass kicked.
He's still out there, still handsome, and still pissed off at the Fourth Estate. If anyone can do something about Thom Loverro and Mike Wise, it's Rogers.

Speaking of idiots who write for a living, which Will Carroll is more annoying: asshole braggart Will?
One of the best things about my job is getting to do things that most of us wish we could. Talk to players? Attend the World Series sans a new mortgage? Write about baseball? Tell people "I'm at work" when sitting at the ballpark? Check.
Or the Will who uses a legitimately tear-jerking remembrance of a dead friend written by someone else to position himself as the Rosa Parks of baseball writing?
I've ceased hoping that the BBWAA will open their doors to us, yet I still lobby and dream. Like I told a GM recently, "you don't have to talk to me or read your column, but there's a kid out there who will have your job someday who does. I'm writing for him and hoping he remembers me."
Those are some pretty selfless noises coming out of a gasbag so desperate for official recognition that he used a bunch of references to Lewis Carroll and Carroll County to prove that he's teh biggest thing on teh internet. No, he's only doing it for the children, which is why he threatened to start fixing games if he didn't get his BBWAA card.

Above, center: A lying, megalomaniacal charlatan windbag flanked by the people he does it all for: the children.

1 comment:

Will Carroll said...

Idea for next column: Use the anniversary of Pearl Harbor to lead into a talk about the evils of the Designated Hitter.

or

Talk about how I don't want anything for Christmas because I have everything that anyone would ever want. Plasma TV. Check. XBOX 360 Check.

What do you think?