Distinguished Senators, the Washington Nationals Blog That Is Great

Monday, December 19, 2005

In Phases

Just so you know, this is what it looks like when I post in spite of having nothing -- maybe less -- to say. Remember this during my next unexplained two-week hiatus.

Rick Short is following in the footsteps of Chad Rowan, Brock Lesnar, and King Kong.
Infielder Rick Short, arguably the most popular member of the Nationals because of his long journey to the big leagues, told MLB.com on Friday that he will not play for the team in 2006. Short's contract is expected to be sold to the Tohoku Rakuten Golden Eagles of Japanese Baseball League. Short said an announcement will be made soon.
Too bad we didn't have any room on the bench for a dirt-cheap .300-hitting right hander. Guess there just wasn't anywhere to stash him what with Marbert Fickerson taking up so much space.

Above: Artist's conception of Rick Short's arrival in Japan and formal greeting by officials from the Tohoku Rakuten Golden Eagles.

Now this is some good internet.

Will Carroll
is just insufferable. Every so often, he stands up, clears his throat, and exhorts all bloggers to greater heights ("Why can’t someone do some actual reporting or at least fact-checking?"). He knows everyone hates it, but that won't stop him.
Over the past couple years and in the various incarnations of this blog, I've said things about bloggers and in nearly every case, I've gotten blasted far and wide.
I don't think Will realizes why, so let me suggest a reason: Will, you are a liar, a huckster, and a very bad writer. Sure, you've managed to scheme your way into getting paid for your nonsense, but that's no reflection on your ability and doesn't make it any less insulting that you're trying to help us. No one wants advice from you.
Of course, that implies that I care about most of this blasting, which couldn't be further from the truth.
That's a relief. Here I was feeling guilty.
I have two jobs - generate content and generate interest. It's best when I can do both, but doing one or the other has some value as well.
This sounds to me like an admission that Carroll will lie to get publicity. And to quote the man directly, "I wish I could give you more, but you know what a . . . whore I am." If only all whores were so forthright! Anyway, he bleats on for a while, then this:
Some come and go, like Aaron Gleeman, who's output is still prolific and appeals to me in phases. People think I don't like Aaron - even Aaron sometimes - but I do. I have high hopes for him.
Is it pathetic or hilarious that Will thinks he's attained such rarified heights that the merest nod of his mighty head makes the earth tremble? He doles out praise, but he can't be too effusive; you want to give young Gleeman something to strive for. You may please only him in phases, Aaron, but to be mentioned at all by the mighty Carroll is an honor that many would die for. And what the hell does "appeals to me in phases" mean, anyway? Is it a menstrual thing?
I was charged with a "guest writer" program at BP this off-season and for the most part, it's been a miserable failure. I looked at the list of the top ten and aimed for all ten, plus some people from outside the sphere. I got nearly nothing.
Very professional. "Hey all you guys I hired to write for BP: Fuck y'all. You appealed to me not even in phases. I have spoken. Love, Will. PS. You should have done some actual reporting or at least fact-checking like your hero, me."

John Sickels wants to know what you think of Bodes.


DM said...

I'd praise you for yet another successful beat-down of Will Carroll, but he's making it so easy that even a child can do it. I fear that you will soon delegate this menial task to Professor Bacon.

Nate said...

Now that the full run of The Nutcracker has been cancelled, I think we should enlist the striking Washington Ballet company in a kabuki performance of The Death of Rick Short.

Harper said...

I have high hopes for Mr. Carroll.