Saturday, April 01, 2006

Standards and Practices

Tavares finally gets something right. From teh Post:
In the wake of a humiliating 9-6 defeat by the Baltimore Orioles in the first game of the Battle of the Beltway, team president Tony Tavares has taken action, instituting a sweeping policy that will fundamentally change the way the Nationals go about their business.

"No more facial hair," Tavares said. "That's the rule." When pressed on the necessity of the rule, Tavares cited the irresponsibility of certain players. "No one minds a tasteful Ken Griffey Jr. moustache, but did you see us out there? Jon Rauch looks like a serial killer, Nick Johnson looks like Snidely Whiplash, and you'd swear John Patterson bought that beard off a high school sophomore."

Does Tavares worry about enacting such a harsh policy with new ownership on the way? "Let me tell you," Tavares responds, "there is no one thinking about buying this team who will mind this. Rod Beck and Larry the Cable Guy are not bidding."

4 comments:

Marge Shott said...

What about earrings? Only fruits wear earrings?

MissChatter said...

Oh you suck! Happy April Fool's! I was totally thinking, "Wow, Tavares is teh awesomest! This article will fit in perfectly with the next post I'm writing." Now I'll link to you instead ;-)

Bote Man said...

Just be happy that J.Pat can actually grow facial hair! You can't be nasty with a baby face.

Trust me, I'm getting hit on constantly by girls who think I'm a pussycat because of my looks, and then they are shocked when they find out otherwise.

Basil said...

How many Tavares interviews did you slog through to be able to imitute the man so exarctly?