No More Cosmo

That was not an impressive ballgame. "I" Claudio Vargas, inexplicably starting instead of the much taller Jon Rauch, lost it before the second inning was over. Of course, being down six isn't necessarily a death sentence -- I just watched the Orioles come back from six down to take a lead -- but when the offense can muster only three hits, one walk, and two runs it is. Still, there are some brights spots in the momentary gloom.

• The Redemption of Tomo Ohka. I don't know what's been going on with my man Ohka. From 2002 to 2004, his walks per nine innings were 1.5, 1.6, and 1.7. Just for comparison's sake, that's a lot better than Roger Clemens (3.0, 2.3, 2.9), though it must be said that Clemens does everything else better, with the obvious exception of naming children. This year, Ohka's is 6.4, which is sort of the BB/9 equivalent of Cristian Guzman's batting line. The leading theory is that he's hurt and not admitting it. Well, either he's over it or the Brewers couldn't take advantage, because he stepped in for Vargas with 5.2 innings of shutout ball. 4 Ks, 1 BB, 2 hits. Frank, consider the Landlord for your starting pitching needs. He's really really not hurt. He swears.
• Jose Guillen got a day off. Jose's been hurting lately. He strained his ribcage, and his right hand is still sore from when he took his knuckles upside Mike Scioscia's head. As much I bitched about his acquisition, Guillen's been really good, so his lingering injuries are a problem. This makes the acquisition of Marlon Byrd look even better. Before the trade, Guillen would have had Endy Chavez or Jeffrey Hammonds playing in his place, and I don't have to tell you of how little use those guys are. Now we can field a Church/Wilkerson/Byrd trio, and that's not embarrassing, though I still don't understand why Byrd's not in center.
• ¡Livan! is apparently going to pitch on Thursday. He had fluid drained from his knee, and it shouldn't surprise us that his leg would give out before his arm, which is invincible. ¡Livan! 's injury-shortened game against the Cubs (6.1 IP, 2 ER) left him on pace for only 265 innings, but he's finally got that ERA under 4.
• I found my new favorite thing on teh Internet. I was checking, as I do daily, on Amazon's customer reviews of the Official Fitness Bible of Distinguished Senators, Gunnar Peterson's G-Force. I found this review, which I think must have been written by the Onion's Jean Teasdale.

  I'm overweight and I looked for the cutest personal trainer I could find. And Gunnar is it! Just kidding. He really got me with "for every day I strayed from my excercise program, it took two days to get back on track." Okay. If he can go from a two ice cream sandwiches a day to being such a hunk, I think I can manage to cut back on the Ben & Jerry's and do my time on the treadmill. And no more Cosmo while I'm on the stair-stepper -- he says you need to tune in with your body while you tone down. I like his little tips too -- like only keeping the hard to make fatty stuff around so that I'm less than likely to eat it. I'm doing this, I'm really doing all these reps with weights and I've lost an inch and can almost reach my toes. Well, almost is relative. But I'm closer.

G-Force: The Ultimate Guide To Your Best Body Ever is on sale now at your local bookseller, or online at Amazon.com.