Wednesday, March 29, 2006

We Are In Hell

As if it weren't difficult enough being a Nats fan. We have no owner and we don't get to watch our team on TV -- those alone would be enough to make the Nats a laughingstock, so why are we also saddled with this bumbling clown of a GM? Why does this happen to us? How can Jim Bowden think that what he's doing is right? I may have an explanation.

I have discovered a system of thought, an ethos if that's what that means, that approves wholeheartedly of Jim Bowden's reign as General Manager. Unfortunately, it means that we're in Hell. English poet and artist William Blake, dead now some 180 years, envisioned a place where everything Bodes does makes perfect sense in his Proverbs of Hell.
...as the sayings used in a nation, mark its character, so the Proverbs of Hell, shew the nature in Infernal wisdom better than any description of buildings or garments.
"What in the hell are you talking about?" is probably what you're yelling at your monitor right now, but settle down and check it out:

Bowden is often criticized for his discomfort with inaction. He doesn't feel like he's doing his job unless he's not only wheeling but also dealing. We didn't need Preston Wilson, he didn't make us better, but Bodes wasn't going to sit on his hands and not trade for him. Hell approves.
Prudence is a rich ugly old maid courted by Incapacity.
When Bowden finds a player he wants, he goes after him with the tenacity of a starving pitbull. It took him a year to get Alfonso Soriano, but he stuck with it.
He who desires but acts not, breeds pestilence.

Sooner murder an infant in its cradle than nurse unacted desires.
It's no secret that, for all Bowden's frenetic activity, he tends to focus on one or two areas. This winter, he stockpiled second basemen and lefty pinch-hitters. I wondered why, and you probably did too. But it makes perfect sense in Hell.
You never know what is enough unless you know what is more than enough.
Bodes isn't just a Hell-approved GM. He's also a Hell-approved dresser, as the underworld apparently loves flashy tracksuits and leather pants.
The pride of the peacock is the glory of God.

Exuberance is Beauty.
Will he learn? Hell says yes.
If the fool would persist in his folly he would become wise.
We can only hope. Our GM isn't the only proof that we Nats fans dwell in Hell. Frank Robinson's managerial style is well represented in the Proverbs.
The wrath of the lion is the wisdom of God.

The tygers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.
If only Tomo Ohka knew about the horses and tygers. If you weren't amazed that William Blake perfectly foresaw the only environment in which the lousy management of the Nationals would be celebrated, get ready to be amazed by his most unnerving description of Hell and its works.

When thou seest an Eagle, thou seest a portion of Genius. Lift up thy head!
We are in Hell.

7 comments:

DM said...

Dude, I think Blogger gives out an award for the first blog that can make cogent analogies to both William Blake and professional wrestling.

Eric said...

My oh my...going to the dead poets. I loved it. Here are some more (for real) from William Blake...It's almost like he knew of our impending pain and wrote about the leather panted one.

Blake commenting on Bowden's Soriano obsession:

"How sweet I roamed from field to field, And tasted all the summer's pride, Till I the prince of love beheld, Who in the sunny beams did glide!"

Blake on Bowden's General Theory Of GMing:

"I must Create a System or be enslaved by another Man's."

And finally, Blake on Bowden's thought process regarding Ryan Church:

"On no other ground Can I sow my seed Without tearing up Some stinking weed."











Always be ready to speak your mind and a base man will avoid you.

I must create a system, or be enslaved by another man's.

Anonymous said...

I think Screech looks like a furry chicken, or a caricature of an eagle. This makes it more apparent that we are in Hell, when we see parody instead of genius.

Annie Savoy said...

The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom.

El Gran Color Naranja said...

This is over my head. I'm going back to Federal Baseball where I can count on a Die Hard reference.

Ryan said...

This is over my head. I'm going back to Federal Baseball where I can count on a Die Hard reference.

Watch out for the Whammies.

Peter Tomarken said...

BRRRRRRAAAAAAINNNNNSSSS